"When another person makes you suffer, it is because
he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does
not need punishment; he needs help." -Thich Naht Hahn- I borrowed this
from a friend…I try to do this but at times my emotions get the better of
me and I fail miserably and take this as
a personal attack. As in reality these people are hurting….This doesn’t mean
that we have to accept and tolerate verbal abuse or allow them to speak hurtful
words to us as we are not doing them any favors letting them get by with such.
Teenagers are the ones most vulnerable to
acting out behaviors because the pre-frontal cortex that is responsible for
impulse control, empathy and reasoning is not completely formed yet. So it is
up to us as adults to assist them in strengthening this part of their brains or
they will become adults that will have a world of problems later with
interpersonal and legal issues as well. Teenagers are naturally self-absorbed
as they are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. It is an
absolute need for them to have boundaries and to experience the consequences of
their bad choices in order for them to become well-adjusted adults. It is
tiring and brings about feelings for us as the adults of frustration, fear and
helplessness, but if we keep in mind this too shall pass and we must remain
steadfast in our efforts.
Consistency,
consistency, consistency is a must. It sort of reminds me of when I have
trained horses and ponies. One example here is letting them get by with
something just once and then trust me they get the message that they can do it
again, and they will……trust me. With the age of all of the technology, I have
discovered that some of these gadgets are more of a weapon than a privilege.
With the picture abilities and the texting they can be very hurtful to others.
Kids like I said do not have the reasoning abilities yet and say and do things
that are awful, let alone give them a device where they can be even more
covert. I remember kids picking on my son and they did not even have cell
phones back then, so I can only imagine the power and the impact that these
things can do to a child’s life. It is like giving them a camera and microphone
without supervision. And the stuff they can find on the Internet is scary. They
know way too much now because of this stuff. It appears to me that they are
viewing and saying things at such a young age that I didn’t even know about
until I was in college and still then not so much.
When I became a
nurse good lord I was educated. So what do we do as parents when our children
have begun such acting out behaviors? Well it’s time to put the brakes on and
hang on for a bumpy ride. Even though they may seem to be rebelling it is
unresolved anger about something much greater inside of them that needs to be
addressed. These behaviors are just symptoms of something much greater that is
going on inside of them. Rigorous honesty and limits must be instilled in them
and the best way is to let them experience the consequences but not bail them
out, and then they will think you will do it again. It is hard to see our
children suffering and I for one know this all too well. I would have given my
life for my son to get well, but that is not possible but I would have. Life is hard enough for teenagers without any
extra stress and issues…
So I guess my
message here is to just always let them know you love them and explain why
rules are important. Instill empathy in them by your example of being kind and
helping others. Volunteering is a great way to spend time with your children
and a lesson of altruism they will never forget. Get them out of themselves for
a moment and let them see that this world is a better place if we spend
our time helping those that are less fortunate.….Practice loving kindness and good karma will
come back to you and your children……Blessings and light to all. A helpful book
for parents raising teens is “Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children” ,by Dan
Goldman….he has a series for adults as well…I have read them all….
No comments:
Post a Comment