Monday, May 14, 2012

Spirituality: Allowing our Children to be Individuals


  I want to write about a recent memory and my story of how I came to believe in spirituality. I do not debate or argue with others on their beliefs because we each have our own. During my early 20’s I was raising my son whom was 4-8 years old. I have always been Catholic but this does not mean that I agree with everything in the church. Now, this is where I will probably lose some folks, but remember to each is their own. I had stopped going to church so much but would still go on occasion, but I was in a dilemma as to how to guide my son if I didn’t believe some of the things that were being taught. So instead I chose to instill an example to him of being kind and spiritual. It was also then that I began to study Buddhism. I taught my son the importance to being kind to all sentient beings and the universe as a whole. He would grasp this more than I would realize as later some of the things he would say to me would just stop me in my tracks. However, I knew that it was not truly I, but God that was responsible for his sweet soul. He told me once that he chose me to be his mother and it was I that he looked up to the most.

  Those words would stay with me and when things would get tough I would reflect on those words and know and have faith that something much greater was at work here. Little did I realize that his time would be short on this earth as he had other work to do in the next life. So after his death it propelled me into the world of wanting answers and meaning. After all of my running what I found was the answers were in my inner emotional home. I feel that inside of us we all want peace and joy, but somewhere along the way we get distracted by such things as the monetary world and power.

   His teenage years were amazing and at 15 he told me that he wanted to become part of the Catholic Church and begin catechism. His words exactly were, “mom our whole family is Catholic and I feel that is what I am supposed to do as well”. I was so moved that he came to this decision on his own without me forcing my beliefs down his throat as I shudder when I see parents doing this. You know the Amish do this and I look up to the Amish way of life as I have several friends in that community. I have spent hours speaking to them of their beliefs and philosophy and I am always amazed at their parenting. At 18 they allow their children to decide whether they want the Amish way or the English. They do not pressure them nor do they disown them but they allow them to be individuals. I only wish more parents were like this. So for those of you that may be struggling with teens, have faith and patience that they will find “their” way not yours.

   The best gift to give to our children is the gift of letting them think for themselves. At some point we must realize that we are powerless over our children and they are not “ours” to control but only arrows in which that we cast out into this universe. Bottom line take extra caution as to not pressure them but just love them no matter whom they choose to become. Luckily we live in a society of choices and many paths to enlightenment. We as parents will have a much better relationship with our children if we practice more acceptance and less of a need to control. Seek happiness today and always.

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