Protecting Our Spiritual and Emotional Well Being: Allowing those that have passed to live through us.

    It can be terribly difficult to deal with selfish unempathic individuals, but in order to be spiritually fit we must find ways to practice self-preservation.  It is those types of people that can leave us feeling drained, weary and even start beginning to believe their over sense of self importance. The conversations always are seemingly about them and they rarely ask about you. It becomes quite apparent when you begin to feel yourself feeling annoyed and questioning "why do I even answer the phone or talk to them because all they really need or desire is an audience?"

  Sadly these folks have serious self-esteem issues and need constant validation from others. It can be exhausting for the person who just merely listens and gives away their time for the others          self-indulgent behaviors. We are not doing them any favors here if we are not honest about how this is affecting us.  The bottom line is, our time is precious as well and in order to really honor ourselves we must be fully aware of our own needs as well. We are the only ones that can accurately protect our specific needs and demonstrate and communicate them to the ones around us. Now I am not talking about listening to someone that is in a vulnerable state, but I am speaking of those that are constantly in chaos and ranting on and on about closely related issues that they can’t seem to recognize a solution even if you give them one.

   After the loss of my son, I am more sensitive to such matters of this. I can no longer tolerate such behaviors or I immediately become weary and I am not at my best. I am out of balance and begin to sink once again into sadness and unfortunately some of my old self-loathing behaviors start to rare their ugly heads.  I cannot afford this anymore. I need all of my energy to survive the loss of my son and feel well. When we suffer such a loss, the feeling is of such magnitude of darkness and grief that we don’t feel there is an adequate word that can describe this experience adamantly enough.  Sometimes when I write of such things as this I do worry about ostracizing those of my friends and families around me so I want to make it clear that this is not my intention. However what I am saying here is the extreme person that on occassion that I have encountered and immediately have recognized this is not a good fit for me. But, not the typical person that just needs an ear or a kind heart that will listen and emotionally hold them when they need such support. I am comfortable with helping others but at the same time I have to be honest and also protect myself from becoming too weary.

  The key to this is communication and honesty. We cannot be afraid of hurting their feelings because they too have their own lessons to learn.  If we are not honest then we are sacrificing our own feelings and we will become as sure as I am writing this, emotionally and spiritually sick. This is why I have to say if we are going to continue to not only survive but to really live a life that is fulfilling and passionate  and with purpose,  we must take care of ourselves first. It is then we can  benefit others and hold “our” light so those around us can learn to take care of themselves as well…What will you do today to take care of your personal unique set of needs and feelings? Just imagine if more folks would do this, how peaceful and balanced and less chaotic all of our lives could be. It is not necessary or even healthy to be a martyr, but what is important is to be happy, joyous and free and live a life that would make those that have passed before us to be smiling down on us knowing that we are happy…… It is” we” that are living this earthly life that can allow those that have passed to live through us in a spiritual sense  and continue on to give the gifts that they gave to us while having their human experience.   Remember “ We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but we are spiritual beings having a human experience”. ..unknown.