To find those things
that which are sacred in life is the most honored forms of discovery and
awakenings one can experience. To me there are but two choices in this life:
embrace all or deflect and run. I have chosen the first. Not all of the time I
have chosen to embrace but to escape as the pain was too great and my soul was
too weary. Escaping is healthy if it is just for short respites and experienced
in a healthy way, such as reading,
watching a movie or mindful meditation. It is when we continue to choose
manners that are not spiritually whole that our psych becomes “sick”. I am an
expert on choosing the ones that were not so good for me, but I guess I had to
go through all of them in order to weed them out and begin to find and use the
ones that are spiritually healthy.
The funny thing is
perhaps I am a slow learner or some of my attachments have been a little more
difficult to “give up” if you will. As a young child I found remarkable ways in
which to nurture myself and find comfort while being alone. It was my horses
that gave me respite and a feeling of loving connection. I felt their spirits
as so profound and their responsiveness to trauma so powerful. I have so many
stories about horses in which that I have encountered in my life that have been
abused or neglected, that it is difficult to choose just one. Not to mention
all of the other animals that I have saved and corrected their instincts that
humans are bad. Without going into to details here, I will just say I
identified with animals that needed to be loved and I still do. Life happens to
each and every one of us and we do the best we can under the circumstances in
which that a lot of the time we have little control, but all we can do is
survive.
Someone once told me
that all of those that I was saving were little Mari’s. For the first time in
my life that resonated with me and I could put words to what happened inside of
me when I did save and protect animals. It wasn’t until I learned ways to save
myself that I truly began to live a more peaceful life. Saving other beings eventually
catches up with us and if we do not begin to find ways to address what is
inside of us that is damaged, we will spend our entire life chasing metaphors
that temporarily covers our wounds with a thin bandage. It is when we look at
those wounds for what they are, what they “really” are that is, and instill the
healing that they need in order to recover, it is then the true in essence of
the wound is discovered. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and diligence
to work through all of the layers of the emotional wounds and then patiently
wait for the granulation to begin. However, once healing begins the power of
the wounds decrease and opens up more space for the richness that life has to
offer.
So many of our
mistakes in this life are due to unresolved unhealed wounds that perhaps we are
not even aware of but if we look closely there is usually a theme that continues
repeating itself if we find ourselves sad and lonely. If we can step back, slow
down and breathe, our focus can re-center itself and a new awareness can
follow. We must do this a little at a time for changes to become permanent, for
if we just blaze through ripping and tearing more damage occurs and the longer
the healing process becomes. We do not necessarily want to go in and completely
debride the wound but we want to slowly remove our emotional scar tissue while
not disturbing the natural healing process that goes on at the same time. The
challenge is finding the balance and someone to work with us patiently and
without judgment. Seek those that are
lovingly compassionate and empathically in tuned to your needs. Allow yourself
patience and self-forgiveness, and in return those will flow from you onto all
sentient beings. Live fully, love
completely and laugh all of the way to your innards.
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