To Brad, From Mom

TO BRAD, FROM MOM………………. 

  I believe that what we send out in the universe we get back. If we send out love in return we receive love, if we send out negativity then it again comes back to us. I just re-watched a movie that I saw five or six years ago shortly after Brad transitioned to his next life. It is called What the Bleep Do We Know. A nice reminder of how our mind and thoughts influence our lives and our ability to adjust them by having positive intentions.  And when we do “think positive” then positivity will manifest before our eyes. I have to admit here that, this weekend is going to be tough. On Sunday it will be seven years since my son left his physical body but it doesn’t feel that long since he was here with me. So many things have changed and occurred, but my heart still aches at times from missing him. Wondering what he would be doing in his life, if he would have children making me a grandmother and so on. I cannot allow myself to stay in those thoughts for long, as I feel my stomach tighten, my eyes tear up and that unwelcomed lump in my throat. It is too emotionally overwhelming. Instead I go to the place of gratitude for the memories that we have of him and his spiritual presence with me every moment of my life.

   So going back to sending love and peace out to the universe I feel moved to share a story of what happened yesterday while I was walking the dogs in the woods. After my uneventful berry picking, this time not getting chased by a protective momma dear, I took the dogs to the creek for their swim to cool off. As they did their “soak” one by one, I stood there talking to them as usual and told them they could go explore a bit but not for long. Yes I know I talk to them like they are my children and I guess in essence I am their human Mom.  I stood on the creek bed, listening to the sounds of nature and thinking how magnificent it all is and the balance of everything, when suddenly I heard a quiet rustling in the tall foliage near me. I turned to look and a little fawn came trotting down the bank coming directly towards me. I stood very still and it came right to my legs pausing momentarily and brushing up against me. Again I stood silent and still and sending out a protective loving feeling towards the little sweet creature. As I knew the dogs must have frightened it and I wanted to make sure he felt safe. He then walked slowly over to a small deluge between the creek beds and lay down under an area of brush.  Worried, I began to walk back towards the house calling gently for the dogs to follow. Well Momma Doe must have found the dogs first because here we go round two of one angry Momma chasing my four  dogs running towards me with the look of “help!” in their eyes. And out loud I said, “now this could get ugly” as I didn’t have a tractor to run to, nor are my tree climbing skills in check. My only defense I thought was raising my arms to appear big and scary. She stopped about 20 feet in front of me as I grabbed one of the dogs by the collar and  I made eye contact with the doe. She turned slowly and went back to check on her baby. It felt almost like we communicated to each other like “ok we got this now”.

  So what does this mean to me? To me it was just another reminder that because of my son, my internal essence of being a mother is still inside of me. I am still the protector of the vulnerable. I thought about this in depth on our walk back to the house. Something magically occurs it seems when significant dates arrive, like Brad’s birthday, Mother’s Day and so on that I know are “visits” if you will, from my son. Gifts from above as I call them and if we do not remain open and slow down we miss them. Every day I do something that connects me more fully with the universe through nature and my animals. To witness life as it goes on around me, and knowing that not only do I have the privilege to experience it but I also have the duty to share it so that others may be given the hope that “yes life is worth living and meant to enjoy”. I get this now adamantly for one of the first times in my life. Looking forward to many gifts and visits to come…..