Was remembering what
it feels like to be a fighter and survivor. Hadn’t thought of this in so long
but over the last several weeks I have been compelled to make some changes in
order to simplify my life. I was thinking yesterday about so many things that I
have survived which of course ultimately surviving the loss of my son was by
far the hardest of all of my challenges. And on some days it still becomes so
heavy that I feel as though I cannot breath those all too familiar breaths of
sadness anymore. But I do. And then the wave passes and once again I forge
ahead. Sometimes stronger than other times but I keep my feet moving.
So I was thinking
about the time when Brad and I were living in Athens Ohio and I was going to
college there and also working in the athletic department part time. I ran this
path 3 days a week by the college and in some of the area of it there were
trees that shielded it from the local highway. It never occurred to me that
there was any danger there as I felt safe. On this one typical morning I was
running I heard footsteps coming up behind me, I turned thinking it was a
fellow runner as it was used quite frequently by bikers and runners. As I
looked a man with an army jacket with a hood over his head and a red bandanna
over his face came charging at me. He had a head start on me and I couldn’t out
run him, as he tackled me dragging me down the hillside through briar's and
branches as we landed on the edge of the Hocking River. I just remember
pleading with him not to kill me as I had a 2 year old son and no one else
could take care of him. He hit me repeatedly in the face and the side, then
tying my hands behind my back, shoving dirty rags in my mouth. I knew then that
may not survive as his bandanna had fallen and I saw his face. He was tugging at
my clothes but kept looking up the hill as there were guys up there beginning
to mow grass and were getting closer. All of a sudden he pulled out his knife
cut the ropes and shoved me and said “get out of here”. I ran frantically in
the direction of the mowers finally reaching them and ran directly to an older gentlemen
whom grabbed and hugged me as I collapsed to the ground as he kept asking me
what happened. Somehow in the midst of my hysteria I managed to tell him a man
with a knife which was all I could manage to get out. It was he that drove me
to the police department while a 17 year old young man held me as I cried inconsolably.
When we arrived to the Nelsonville Police Department the young lady cop whom
was there told them they could leave and she would take care of me. Her means
of taking care of me were something that I would have never imagined. There was
a young man there getting processed so she told me sit outside on the front
steps and wait my turn. In shock I just did what she told me sitting on the
steps bleeding, as then she commented to another cop “oh just another domestic
violence case”. I had told her I was attacked while running but she didn’t believe
me I suppose. What happened next is even more horrific. When it was finally my
turn, as I had sat there for a while in so much pain as he had fractured some
ribs and broke my facial bone, and was covered in deep scratches that were
burning so badly in the sunlight she told me to come in. She said “go in the
bathroom and clean up”. She questioned me but with surliness that I knew she didn’t
believe me as I continued to adamantly tell her I did not have a boyfriend but
was a single parent. She then took a
few pictures of my injuries and then asked if I needed to go to the hospital. I
declined being in shock I suppose, and just told them to take me back to the
college where my car was. I showered there as I didn’t want to scare my son
when I picked him up from daycare. He was only 2 and half so I told him mommy
got elbowed by accident while refereeing a basketball game.
The next day I
returned to class beat up and looking awful and was pulled in the dean’s office
and asked well really told it wasn’t a good idea for me to be there until I
healed because parents were coming in for visit week and it may concern them and
pull their children out fearing there may be an attacker/rapist still out
there. I declined and said I had to finish my finals. And I did. I didn’t tell
my parents anything until a few days later because I did not want to worry
them. Of course when I did my mom and my stepdad were there in just under a few
hours. They took me to the sight where it happened. I was terrified. Frank found
a few beer cans and cigarette butts where he had hidden and waited on me,
proving he had been watching me for a while over the last few weeks learning my
schedule. Down the path we found my head band I was wearing where he had
tackled me. So it was obvious the police had not investigated still thinking it
was a boyfriend, which I told them repeatedly I didn’t have one. My stepfather
took the items to Police Department and they said they would look into it. A
few days later an officer came to my door and terrified me even more by saying
he probably knows where I live and since I saw his face he may come back to “permanently
shut me up” as he put it……
Well guess what in a
very small portion of the newspaper it read “girl allegedly reports being assaulted”.
I moved to Columbus in a week after that. Sadly, 5 months later a girl was
raped and murdered on the same river and the assailant was never caught. That
could have been me, but by the grace of God the attacker spared me.
The reason I write
this is because lately I have been in
such a low place thinking that I am so heavy and tired that at times I feel I
can’t survive any more crisis and tragedies, but after reflecting back on that
time I know that I am a strong survivor. And that nothing or no one can
discourage me to keep doing what I want to accomplish in this life. Then I
fought and survived for my son, and now I have to dig deep down and learn to
survive for me and that little injured girl inside of me knowing that I will
never let her down.
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