Past Lives: How They Can Affect Our Ability to Love Others and Ourselves

 After recently reading the book A Dog’s Purpose, it has made me look at my animals and all sentient beings differently. It captures the essence of past lives in the sense that we are all products of our circumstances, experiences and people that have generated “our” inner and outer life. Perhaps in line with what the Buddhists term “past lives” doesn’t necessarily have one strict meaning as though we once lived as someone else, but those whom lived before us have sculpted us like a fine multi dynamic piece of art. I have heard the term “sins of our past” and have pondered upon that deeply in an esoterical sense rather than one of a religious nature.( ie. Meaning to me, the attitudes as well as emotional deficits of our family members that lived before us.)

  It is those things of my past ancestry that I have thought of by listening to stories from my parents about our family’s personalities, spirituality and inherited traits that have helped me discover “who I am.”  I have most recently become aware that we each have our own life to live for ourselves. To take a hold of the reins and guide ourselves into the direction that is a best “fit” for our passion and purpose. I have also watched children lately from a distance and observed each of their talents and personalities and knowing or having a good idea at least what they are going to accel at and this is when it is so important to cultivate those gifts not bestow upon them any negative criticisms.  Now if I have lost you already by now, hang on, as I will attempt to explain further.

  It is when our life begins to feel stagnant, joyless or boring as some use very loosely that we are not honoring ourselves and our unique gifts. I have heard even adults my age say, “I don’t know what my gifts are”. To me that is sad, and a valid awareness that they have been living their lives for other’s expectations and not their own.  How many of you have said “if I win the lottery everything will be so much better?”  My guess is we all have  but, have we really walked through it in our minds and thought it out completely? Sure our bills would go away and we would have our cost of living needs met but our spiritual needs and our personal needs of living a life to the fullest capacity of love would still be there waiting for attention.  Clearly money cannot provide us with our core of purpose, which takes a lot of inner work and self-discovery. I have said this before but I must say this again. The most important thing in this life is TO LOVE AND BE LOVED, for that is when our hearts are lifted and the emptiness resides.  When our hearts are empty it is then we try to fill it with other temporary means that fulfill us for a brief moment only to find ourselves sad and lonely when the newness or stimulating affect wears off. Our dopamine levels will elevate but are short lived, but what keeps those levels at a sustained rate resulting in complete inner happiness is love. And that is real love not the “honey moon” phase but the preciousness of unconditional accepting love.

  It warms us within and comforts us inevitably giving our lives the fulfillment that we all desire and deserve.  It is those things from our past that can keep us stuck  not allowing us to be open to give and receive love. Even those attitudes of our ancestors that have been passed down from generation to generation can and will affect us if we do not recognize those patterns for what they are, stuck or closed if you will.  So, we must get to work on our inner lives and forget so much about donning on those exercise clothes and running shoes but really look at our spiritual and emotional fitness as well. To live a life of balance of mind, body and spirit and incorporate that into our wholeness and purpose. Most importantly value and appreciate all of our loving connections, as those are  the fibers that holds us  together……..live well, laugh often and love much……..

We can not all do GREAT things but we can do GREAT small things.

  The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live......Borrowed  this from a friend on here………

This made me think of a transition that I went through about a year ago. Suddenly it occurred to me that if I was not living a life of joy and re-entering in this world I was not honoring the gift that I was given for having my son with me for the 19 years 5 months and 9 days on this earth.  The lessons that he taught me, the privilege of giving and receiving the love between a mother and son is beyond any gift that I have ever experienced in my life.   I do have momentary times in my heart when I do miss him terribly, but mostly I find myself smiling a lot more reminiscing of the funny times we shared, the amazing words that he said to me, like when he was 12 and told me that it was me he was writing a paper about in school of “Who he looked up to the most”, and the wisdom that he had at such a young age. I was more than blessed with him but absolutely just honored to have been given such a sweet soul

  . We had our moments like all of us parents have with our children of battles but they were all such lessons of growth.  I struggled greatly for over 5 years with this until one day I decided I can’t live like this anymore it is not doing his spiritual “existere” any honor or meaning. So I cleaned myself up and started a new life of my existence here and surged forward taking him with me. I do get it now, when someone told me that I must let him rest and share a new relationship with him in a spiritual essence. I do not go to the cemetery much, because when I do it bothers me and I feel him with me always, not there.

   I will try to explain as best as I can what this feels like now. It feels in any instance or moment I can feel his presence with me. What he would say about something that I am doing, something that I know that he and I would share a private joke about and the language that he and I had that only “we” truly understood. I guess you can say that he and I were team mates in life. I had him very young so we learned to survive this old world together……It is different now, as in the beginning I felt alone and abandoned, but now we are still together in spirit. He still sends me messages. Like yesterday I was bathing the pony in the wash pit which has gravel in it. I noticed something silver but I just thought it was a wrapper or something under the rocks. Until this beautiful black and white butterfly started fluttering around and landed on the silver thing. Well I was busy thinking about how unusual the butterfly was and that I don’t see many white and black ones and how brave it was just hanging out around the pony and me. As I studied the little creature it landed and then flew away. As I came closer to pick up the silver, I noticed it was my platinum and garnet ring. I was shocked it must have slipped off the last time I was bathing my horse and didn’t realize it. I bought this ring in honor of my son 4 years ago as his birthstone is garnet and Garnet was also my grandmother’s name. I would have never found that if it weren’t for the butterfly, so I knew immediately that was Brad still communicating with me. He told me once before he died that he could communicate with nature.

  Shortly after his death I had many animal experiences that I knew was him. He sent birds landing on me, wild rabbits running up to my feet and 2 does that would run up to me while I worked in the garden…I found comfort in all of those visits and still do. So message here is even though our loved ones are not physically with us, what we carry and share with others of their earthly presence, and their unique essence is what allows them to continue to exist in spirit…….Ultimately their love is inside of us

Reminders of Those that have Passed are Still With Us

  The tragedy of life is not death, but what we let die inside of us while we live......Borrowed  this from a friend on here………

This made me think of a transition that I went through about a year ago. Suddenly it occurred to me that if I was not living a life of joy and re-entering in this world I was not honoring the gift that I was given for having my son with me for the 19 years 5 months and 9 days on this earth.  The lessons that he taught me, the privilege of giving and receiving the love between a mother and son is beyond any gift that I have ever experienced in my life.   I do have momentary times in my heart when I do miss him terribly, but mostly I find myself smiling a lot more reminiscing of the funny times we shared, the amazing words that he said to me, like when he was 12 and told me that it was me he was writing a paper about in school of “Who he looked up to the most”, and the wisdom that he had at such a young age. I was more than blessed with him but absolutely just honored to have been given such a sweet soul

  . We had our moments like all of us parents have with our children of battles but they were all such lessons of growth.  I struggled greatly for over 5 years with this until one day I decided I can’t live like this anymore it is not doing his spiritual “existere” any honor or meaning. So I cleaned myself up and started a new life of my existence here and surged forward taking him with me. I do get it now, when someone told me that I must let him rest and share a new relationship with him in a spiritual essence. I do not go to the cemetery much, because when I do it bothers me and I feel him with me always, not there.

   I will try to explain as best as I can what this feels like now. It feels in any instance or moment I can feel his presence with me. What he would say about something that I am doing, something that I know that he and I would share a private joke about and the language that he and I had that only “we” truly understood. I guess you can say that he and I were team mates in life. I had him very young so we learned to survive this old world together……It is different now, as in the beginning I felt alone and abandoned, but now we are still together in spirit. He still sends me messages. Like yesterday I was bathing the pony in the wash pit which has gravel in it. I noticed something silver but I just thought it was a wrapper or something under the rocks. Until this beautiful black and white butterfly started fluttering around and landed on the silver thing. Well I was busy thinking about how unusual the butterfly was and that I don’t see many white and black ones and how brave it was just hanging out around the pony and me. As I studied the little creature it landed and then flew away. As I came closer to pick up the silver, I noticed it was my platinum and garnet ring. I was shocked it must have slipped off the last time I was bathing my horse and didn’t realize it. I bought this ring in honor of my son 4 years ago as his birthstone is garnet and Garnet was also my grandmother’s name. I would have never found that if it weren’t for the butterfly, so I knew immediately that was Brad still communicating with me. He told me once before he died that he could communicate with nature.

  Shortly after his death I had many animal experiences that I knew was him. He sent birds landing on me, wild rabbits running up to my feet and 2 does that would run up to me while I worked in the garden…I found comfort in all of those visits and still do. So message here is even though our loved ones are not physically with us, what we carry and share with others of their earthly presence, and their unique essence is what allows them to continue to exist in spirit…….Ultimately their love is inside of us

Spirituality: Allowing our Children to be Individuals

  I want to write about a recent memory and my story of how I came to believe in spirituality. I do not debate or argue with others on their beliefs because we each have our own. During my early 20’s I was raising my son whom was 4-8 years old. I have always been Catholic but this does not mean that I agree with everything in the church. Now, this is where I will probably lose some folks, but remember to each is their own. I had stopped going to church so much but would still go on occasion, but I was in a dilemma as to how to guide my son if I didn’t believe some of the things that were being taught. So instead I chose to instill an example to him of being kind and spiritual. It was also then that I began to study Buddhism. I taught my son the importance to being kind to all sentient beings and the universe as a whole. He would grasp this more than I would realize as later some of the things he would say to me would just stop me in my tracks. However, I knew that it was not truly I, but God that was responsible for his sweet soul. He told me once that he chose me to be his mother and it was I that he looked up to the most.

  Those words would stay with me and when things would get tough I would reflect on those words and know and have faith that something much greater was at work here. Little did I realize that his time would be short on this earth as he had other work to do in the next life. So after his death it propelled me into the world of wanting answers and meaning. After all of my running what I found was the answers were in my inner emotional home. I feel that inside of us we all want peace and joy, but somewhere along the way we get distracted by such things as the monetary world and power.

   His teenage years were amazing and at 15 he told me that he wanted to become part of the Catholic Church and begin catechism. His words exactly were, “mom our whole family is Catholic and I feel that is what I am supposed to do as well”. I was so moved that he came to this decision on his own without me forcing my beliefs down his throat as I shudder when I see parents doing this. You know the Amish do this and I look up to the Amish way of life as I have several friends in that community. I have spent hours speaking to them of their beliefs and philosophy and I am always amazed at their parenting. At 18 they allow their children to decide whether they want the Amish way or the English. They do not pressure them nor do they disown them but they allow them to be individuals. I only wish more parents were like this. So for those of you that may be struggling with teens, have faith and patience that they will find “their” way not yours.

   The best gift to give to our children is the gift of letting them think for themselves. At some point we must realize that we are powerless over our children and they are not “ours” to control but only arrows in which that we cast out into this universe. Bottom line take extra caution as to not pressure them but just love them no matter whom they choose to become. Luckily we live in a society of choices and many paths to enlightenment. We as parents will have a much better relationship with our children if we practice more acceptance and less of a need to control. Seek happiness today and always.

When Another Person Suffers: Holding Children Accountable

‎"When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help." -Thich Naht Hahn- I borrowed this from a friend…I try to do this but at times my emotions get the better of me  and I fail miserably and take this as a personal attack. As in reality these people are hurting….This doesn’t mean that we have to accept and tolerate verbal abuse or allow them to speak hurtful words to us as we are not doing them any favors letting them get by with such.

   Teenagers are the ones most vulnerable to acting out behaviors because the pre-frontal cortex that is responsible for impulse control, empathy and reasoning is not completely formed yet. So it is up to us as adults to assist them in strengthening this part of their brains or they will become adults that will have a world of problems later with interpersonal and legal issues as well. Teenagers are naturally self-absorbed as they are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. It is an absolute need for them to have boundaries and to experience the consequences of their bad choices in order for them to become well-adjusted adults. It is tiring and brings about feelings for us as the adults of frustration, fear and helplessness, but if we keep in mind this too shall pass and we must remain steadfast in our efforts.      

  Consistency, consistency, consistency is a must. It sort of reminds me of when I have trained horses and ponies. One example here is letting them get by with something just once and then trust me they get the message that they can do it again, and they will……trust me. With the age of all of the technology, I have discovered that some of these gadgets are more of a weapon than a privilege. With the picture abilities and the texting they can be very hurtful to others. Kids like I said do not have the reasoning abilities yet and say and do things that are awful, let alone give them a device where they can be even more covert. I remember kids picking on my son and they did not even have cell phones back then, so I can only imagine the power and the impact that these things can do to a child’s life. It is like giving them a camera and microphone without supervision. And the stuff they can find on the Internet is scary. They know way too much now because of this stuff. It appears to me that they are viewing and saying things at such a young age that I didn’t even know about until I was in college and still then not so much.

  When I became a nurse good lord I was educated. So what do we do as parents when our children have begun such acting out behaviors? Well it’s time to put the brakes on and hang on for a bumpy ride. Even though they may seem to be rebelling it is unresolved anger about something much greater inside of them that needs to be addressed. These behaviors are just symptoms of something much greater that is going on inside of them. Rigorous honesty and limits must be instilled in them and the best way is to let them experience the consequences but not bail them out, and then they will think you will do it again. It is hard to see our children suffering and I for one know this all too well. I would have given my life for my son to get well, but that is not possible but I would have.  Life is hard enough for teenagers without any extra stress and issues…

  So I guess my message here is to just always let them know you love them and explain why rules are important. Instill empathy in them by your example of being kind and helping others. Volunteering is a great way to spend time with your children and a lesson of altruism they will never forget. Get them out of themselves for a moment and let them see that this world is a better place if we spend our time helping those that are less fortunate.….Practice loving kindness and good karma will come back to you and your children……Blessings and light to all. A helpful book for parents raising teens is “Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children” ,by Dan Goldman….he has a series for adults as well…I have read them all….

Mothering: The essence of life.

  Oh to write on Mother's Day is not so easy for me. I have done some soul searching on this matter so I have decided to express my feelings of the essence of being a mother and to be mothered. Mothering can be demonstrated by anyone whether female or male. I have been mothered on many occasions in my life not only by my mother who is an amazing women but also by many others, such as teachers, coaches, my therapist, my husband and friends. Some call it  nurturing but in a sense I feel it as mothering.
  Even if some us are not mothers we can still can mother in this life. Our nieces and nephews, cousins and so forth, even our extended family. As women, it tends to be easier for us to do so perhaps because it is more socially acceptable but I have seen some pretty amazing men in my life nurture their children just as well as women. I am usually caught in a state of awe when I see men taking such a huge role in their children's lives that  it is so monumental and extraordinary that I am so moved beyond words. As children this is what we need in order to thrive and grow and become healthy independent secure individuals. As long as a child has one strong primary attachment connection in their life they will always have the sense that life is meant to be loved and to love.
  My relationship with my son was one of an extraordinary experience. We grew up together in a sense and learned to survive this world together. It was he and I against the world if you will, and it was he that taught me the richness and fullness of life. I would have never known this if it wasn't for him. He was a wonderful spiritual child from day one and from the moment I had him I knew or I felt that my life was complete.
  So now what, some may ask since he is no longer physically  with me? Such a dynamic questions with such a multitude of answers. To put it simply, he gave me the gifts of hope and peace. Some may be confused by this as to how I can say this since he was here just a short time and did not leave behind any living children of his own, but yes he did leave me hope. Hope in the essence that this life is worth living because it is the loving connections between all sentient beings that only matter.
  It was my mother that taught me to be strong and instilled in me the importance of being sensitive and compassionate towards others. It was through her, I passed along this trait and semantic knowledge to my son. What she taught me was that all beings on this earth deserve to be protected and loved. I suppose, well I know that is why I care and save animals and it is why that I struggled so terribly when I could not save my son. The over sense of failure consumed me for so long after Brad passed that I could hardly breathe.  Somehow by the grace of God and those who loved me I did. To hear the words that "yes I was a good mother" slowly began to take over the feeling that "I had not done enough to try to save him" began to fade over time and now I just believe that I did everything I knew how to do and some things in this life are not meant to understand.
  So on this day of the year I cannot express that I am not sad or that it has gotten easier, but I can say that it has gotten different. I have to work hard on not allowing myself to slip down to that dark place that I was for so long, but to look ahead to what my purpose is while I am still living and breathing is where I must stay. To be thankful for all of the ones in my life that have "mothered" me so I can find the healing love that I need to continue to survive the loss of my son.
  WE can all be earthly mothers and provide a respite and sense of comfort and love to anyone in this world when they need an empathic heart and a kind set of eyes to see them and let them know that they are loved.
  Providence and light to all on this Mother's Day and may it be full of fond memories of all of those that have mothered you in your life and may you extend that essence on to those around you today and always.....

Healing our Heart: Excepting the Love in Our Lives that We Deserve.

  This picture reminds me of the importance of connections  and how it doesn't matter if we are physically different from others,  but it is what is in our hearts that counts in order to love and be loved. I feel that since the passing of my son I am so finely in tuned to what is inside a person now more so than ever. I don't have time to worry or even think about the materialism of life. There was a time that I did, to feel as if  I fit in I guess, but mostly I remember thinking I wanted to have nice things for my son.  For example, the cars that I drove, how we lived or the appearance of our home was important , because I was afraid that Brad would feel embarrassed or less.  But now I must say those things are not so important to me. Now I am not saying that I am not concerned with how I appear on the outside, because I do care that I am presentable. I am just not worried about others opinions. I am certainly not perfect in anyway, but most importantly I have learned to forgive myself and shed the guilt that once haunted me daily and took away my ability to be happy. If I allow those feelings of guilt back in I will sink back to the dark place that I almost didn't survive. What I have found and what I believe now is that "yes my life is important."
   I just see people's hearts and souls now and not so much the outside. I am drawn to kind empathic people and I need them now more than ever in my life. They touch my heart just by watching their sensitivity and compassion, and it is then my hope is restored for humanity and all sentient beings. I have heard on so many occasions over and over "people are awful" when there are examples of such bad behaviors in the news, media or even close to our communities However, I tend to believe there are more kind spiritual beings out there but we must remain open in order to see them.
  As children we are born innocent and openly desiring love, protection and nurturing.  It is when we are rejected or not protected that our overall healthy sense of entitlement and our worthiness of love is lacking . If this happens to us as children it begins to affect us negatively by wreaking havoc in our adult relationships.  If our first primary attachments in our lives are ones of  insecure natures and do not mirror to us our deserving love, we grow up thinking the world is not a safe place to live in  and we are therfor unlovable. Our lives are then put at risk for self loathing and self denigrating feelings and behaviors. We all have areas in our lives of vulnerabilities, even despite our parents best efforts, life still happens to each of us. It is our uniquely acquired vulnerabilities that create our specific needs which instills inside of  us the desire to seek out spiritual human connections. Someone once said to me  "we are at our best when we have someone in our life to share it with". I never really understood this until recently when I began to  look back on my entire life. Sadly if we have a partner that is lacking in their ability to love and be loved as well, the suffering is of such magnitude that a dull ache of longing continues to exist without moments of respite. And, it then the hard work begins in order to find ways to heal our wounds inside of us.
  The good new is that we can restructure this part of mind and heart to incorporate the "healing" kind of love that we all need. At first we must solely work on our inner life.  Mainly we must first practice loving kindness to ourselves and it is then we can really "take in" the love from someone else.  All of us no matter what mistakes we have made or even if we have deeply hurt others, we are still deserving of love and acceptance. An old saying that made me laugh once was "there is a lid for every pot." It is so true even if the lid is cracked and the pot has a leak, the fitting of the connection is what matters. I don't feel that we can have these connections only through marriage or exclusive partnerships, but we can also have them deeply in platonic spiritual experiences as well. It is when we find those that "really get us" as some say and validate us, that suddenly we do not feel so alone in this enormous and sometimes seemingly unfair world.
  I could write on and on about this but the main point I want to make is the most important existence in this life is to give and receive love to one another. Not to be confused with the honey moon phase of a relationship although that is an amazing feeling, but the deep love that remains a precious gift inside of us. Even though my son is not having his human existence anymore, I have inside of me my love for him and his love for me, today and for the rest of my life until I take in my last breath.
  Peace and abundant love now and always..........................