We do not have to look far to see the amazing palate of beauty around us. I remember when in the earliest days after the loss of my son, how unsteady I felt and my lack of ability to see any beauty. Even on warm sunny days what I felt and what I saw was cold darkness. The air felt thick and my world was so dark that I had the sense of falling every waking hour......
Over the years, I have encountered folks that would say, well I have had loss in my life, but nothing compares to what you have lost. I would say "but it is the worst loss you have had and it is painful." Any loss is painful whether it be a death, a divorce, loss of long time job, loss of youth or just plain loss of feeling joy and happiness. This is where we as humans are connected. We have all experienced losing something. That feeling in the pit of our stomachs of internal sickness. Our heart hurts and we think that the tears will never end, but they will. I remember on so many days saying out loud "I don't want to do this anymore or I can't do this.". But somehow through grace and those amazing people around me I survived. I have been asked if I ever went to support groups, but I did not. I just had the blessings of the right people at the right time in my life...See I am an introvert, and I do best with just one or two people around me. I have never felt overly comfortable in large groups that is why I drank to feel like I fit in and to be sociable but really that is not who I am. Once I realized this, the stress of feeling obligated or guilty left me.
We must truly honor ourselves and in return it will teach others how to honor us as well. My whole life I have found myself participating in things that really wasn't for me but I did because I just thought that is what we are suppose to do, but that is not true at all. I was a yes person, for fear of hurting others feelings but now I can be honest and say no if it is not good for my overall well being.
Now we will all have to do things in this life that we do not like, that is not what I am saying here but what we can do is speculate if it is part of our true inner being and decide if we are honoring ourselves or the other person wishes. A good way to discover if we are paying attention to our specific needs is examine how we feel on a daily basis. If I begin to feel emotionally weary and physically heavy I know that I am out of balance. I am not taking care of myself and I have once again began to carry others. This is not good for me at all. I then immediately go into some self loathing thoughts and go directly to "is this life worth living." I can't afford to do this anymore or I will sink fast and hard.
So what do I mean by all of this? So many of us are constantly focusing and worrying about what others are doing or how we can help others especially those of us in the health care field, it is in our nature because that is what we do in our work. It can be difficult to transition from that mode but we must. I can immediately read others faces now and tell whether or not they are balanced. I can do this because I would look in the mirror almost everyday and I did not recognize my face anymore from being weary. WE all learn by example as far back as when we first started mirroring the expression of our parents faces as babies. If we want those around us to be emotionally and physically healthy we must first start with us. I use the example all of the time as what I have told our employees. What I tell them is "when you walk out of this office and for some reason you cannot return to work, someone should be able to come in here and pick up pretty close to where you left off." WE cannot predict what will happen tomorrow but what we can do is be prepared if we cease to exist or become disabled mentally or physically. In life we must focus on cross training others so they too can take with them our example of living a happy life and taking care of their own personal needs. I have seen over and over the legacy of creating dependents go through generation after generation. Co-dependent personalities that are so toxic and contagious that they will never know true happiness or genuine peace, which is so tragic.Their nervous systems are always on the reactive mode instead of being pro active.
What example can you set today that will transfer positively to another? Do you want the ones around you to be dependent or independent? Once you start taking care of yourself it will spread to the ones closely around you and the roots start to strengthen and grow. Like the tree in the picture above what you see above the ground are strong branches, but what you don't see, but know that is there is the strong root system nourishing and providing stability so the tree can withstand the winds of time. Find "your" root system so you too can survive all of the eliments that you will encounter in this life and remain standing strong providing respite and hope for all beings around you........
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